16/03/17 – I work out after hitting a speed bump and things feel significantly worse

I hit a speed bump. By speed bump I mean I had an awful case of reflux, then a rest day, then two depression days where I skipped working out and working in general.

I spent those three days of rest feeling guilty because I skipped exercise; depressed because I was depressed, ineffectual because I wasn’t working on anything else, and almost entirely sure that if I enjoyed even one day I would never work out again.

Luckily for my journey, my rest days were awful. Lineo compared it to my body holding me hostage. I’ve started this way of life and now my body expects some cardio or it will self destruct. I felt like I was decomposing on those days. It was unpleasant.

I resolved to work out today and dreaded it while I babysat my niece. Once my sister returned home and after the new Monsta X teaser dropped; I had no excuse to put it off.

I completed thirty minutes of total body toning, low impact, cardio and I felt like I was going to die.

Everyone who encouraged me to get back into exercising after my big failure told me to go hard with my reentry but I tried to commit to the form of the exercises and do my best without hurting myself.

It felt so bad to start exercising again. I was slightly cheered by the fact that could complete the workout and I haven’t lost all the progress I’ve made in the two and half weeks that I’ve been doing this.

Still, I feel ungainly. I still can’t do a full push-up but I can do a plank and a half push-up. There’s a metallic taste in my mouth after this thirty minutes.

I will not lie and say that it feels good to be stretched out, in my underwear and a towel, on the floor. It doesn’t feel any good but after these two days, I see there really isn’t an alternative.



12/03/17 – My first big failure after several small ones

So today I didn’t complete my workout. I got halfway through my cardio and couldn’t continue.

I have reflux and my stomach hurts really badly so I failed today. It’s too painful today.

I feel discouraged.

09/03/17 – ‘who says yoga isn’t cardiovascular?’ I do, Mandy for fuck’s sake

It’s yoga day but I finally don’t have blood dripping from between my legs so I thought I’d do a routine that is slightly more challenging.

I’m becoming a bit of a POPSugar fan. They’ve got many different styles and difficulties of workouts.

I don’t like the implicit body shaming in the language used sometimes.

Their videos are better than some of the faux-mindful, feathers in the fingers of the Grinch nonsense that I have waded through.

I will not follow the YouTube channel of someone who stole Christmas.

Mandy really pushed me this work out. I tried my best but it wasn’t so successful.

Just for the record, if you do this, yoga isn’t usually cardiovascular. It’s supposed to be relaxing.

I completed it so I feel like I’ve achieved something.

I’m also becoming hip to how these trainers rewire your brain to think that you’re enjoying being put through your paces.

I see all the ‘work through this and you’ll reap the rewards’ language.

My third eye is open, Anna and I still don’t enjoy the burn.

I don’t give a flying, form-perfect fuck.


08/03/17 – I am not going to be a baddie

Louisa complimented me on my persistence in exercising. She said that soon I’m going to become thin and energetic.

This is a nice thought but I doubt regular, moderate exercise is going to turn me into Teyana Taylor.


My face is so sore from my crocodile reaction that I’m still hesitant to push myself. My will to exercise is being drained through the two red patches on my face.

I found two relatively low-impact tutorials to keep up my schedule.

This POPSugar video is not difficult in terms of the cardio but the mental stimulation of the choreo was enjoyable.

I’m going to try the zumba ones next for more of a cardio challenge.

This core workout video is very good for beginners as the instructor gave useful advice to monitoring form and the difficulty was graded for people of different abilities as well.

I kept my participation up but didn’t really push myself very hard because my condition is not good today.

Fuck planks. I still suck at them.

The journey continues.

05/03/17 – why am I working out when I’m bleeding

I’m still following my workout routine into week 2. It’s core day today so I had to do twenty minutes of cardio at 90% intensity and a core workout afterwards.

I have no way of judging intensity when I’m following a cardio workout video. I just try to finish. I finished a 20 minute one today (I would embed it but I can’t find it and I’m exhausted).

I tried this video for my core section but I only managed to complete the beginner moves and I didn’t do all the reps.

The cardio made my muscles into water.

I need to rationalise my poor performance a little because blood is literally pouring out of my vagina.

As in if I didn’t have a silicon cup catching the blood and endometrial tissue being pressed out of my uterus there would clumps of bloody membrane falling out of my body. That is the current situation in my panties right now.

Besides the clumps of flesh my body is shedding; I am sweating while at rest; my mouth tastes weird ten minutes after I brush my teeth; I have a low grade headache constantly and I have cramps.

I’m not going to describe my cramps because I’m sure you already feel sorry for me.

The point I’m trying to make here is that my physical condition isn’t great but I’m working out because I’m committed to running circles around Zoe when I see her.

The Pilates video I posted has many useful variations to build up to basic and advanced moves so I recommend it for everyone. I might actually approach a plank using techniques I learned there.